in a moment

I tried many times to convince myself that I'm innocent, but as the relationship with him goes deeper, I feel so guilty. I feel uncomfort with all the things which happened around me these days. Especially about the woman that he used to love. She keeps text him about how she feels and still she loves him. Over and over she keeps saying sorry about all the things that she had done to him, but for him it's too late to start over again. And here I am, in the middle of both. I'm in love with the man, and the woman hates me.

The man came to me 3 months ago without saying a word about the relationship he had at that time. After 1 month passed by, I knew something just a little bit until finally I knew that I wasn't the only one. I ran from his love and fallen to another man that I don't love that much. After almost 1 month I didn't see him, finally we met. I cried... I cried a lot in front of him because I missed him a lot... I knew at that time that I love him more than I love my own boyfriend.

Yup, I'm in love with a guy that I really feel can complete mylife..... Not long after I met him, I decided to end my relationship with my boyfriend. Because I don't want to hurt him longer and also have a boyfriend like that really empty my pocket....

and the story still goes.... I have the man I love now.... with a really complicated situation........

very clueless(?)

I have no idea what's been going on in my life these days.... I've been busy with my things including all the unimportant things!!!
Clueeles with my life, that's the right expression that really represents my life.

Last Friday I went to Bandung to help Prambors with the event "Kumpul Kribo" that was held on Saturday. It was the biggest event that I ever hadled.
I was the stage crew with Adit and Vhe as the stage manager, also not forgetting Fema as the stage runner.
It was a chaoz behind the stage!!! But luckily everybody was happy of the result! On air and off air!!!
And on that damn bussy Saturday, there was a small thing wchih was really annoyed me!!!
I almost screamed because of that!!! Damn woman!!! Do you really have to mess my important day because of you and your man? or is it my man now?
DDUUGGHHH!!! I really don't care about anything on that day! I was so down to the ground, and I was yelling at everybody because of that woman!
How come you said that he wasn't imprtant? He is important for me, bitch! But only on that day was also an important day for me!
Just one fucking day!!! and you almost ruined everything!
And guess what, woman... He came for me almost in the middle of the night! He didn't come to you!
That made me so happy and smile.... Yap, I love him! I'm in love with my mysterious man...

I spent the rest of the day with smile and many thoughts on my mind.... Until I met him again on Sunday...
I smiled, cried, and laughed with him... that was the most wonderful things which happened to me...

Today.... I was late coming to the office... and I was quite busy with everything... but it ok though :)
Huhuhuhuhhu... I'm in love totaly now... is it right???

truely lost

Just as simple as that... I'm just lost in my own mess.
I want a steady and comfortable relationship... I'm so tired with all the relationship I have, especially the one I'm having now.
I want to be conquered.... I want to be sure that the man is all above me.... In a way, that he will guarentee that my life will be perfect with him.
Until now, not one of those guys that could fulfill my needs.
Is that really difficult to ask? A simple man with simple mind, able to defeat my ego and independent...
That's all I ask... Nothing more.... I will love him more than he could imagine... I'll be loyal to him..
More.. I'll be a devoted wife if he's ready to marry me!!!

Well, I have to admit that not just that... He has to fulfill my family's standart, and especially in the eyes of my dad!
Until now, only one guy could do that, but with him, I don't feel what I want, only what I need... And that's not right..
But still, I'm scared facing the relationship that I have now. I don't know what to do!!!

*Sigh*.... The one that is with me now, I don't in love with him anymore, since all the things that he has done to me.
I'm not really sure that he really loves me or my money? Dugh!! I'm broke whenever he's around!
The one that I love now, I'm just in love with him, that's it, but I don't know why, everything looks....so wrong...

I just want to be loved..... and love will feel right... if the person is right......

tired...

I'm tired... Just as simple as that... I'm tired fooling around and I'm tired pretending that I'm fine, but I'm not!

I'm sick of these lies that I've made!!! But I have to... I promised him, my boyfriend, to give another chance to have him prove that his love is true and sincere, and worth enough to have my love.
But the thing is, I don't love him anymore.. I'm in love, truely in love with somebody else, and it was my love long before I have a boyfriend.
Just because of my stupidness, once I ran away from the love that he offered me, because I was scared to get hurt again.
But then again, when I met him again, those feelings that I've been hiding from him, it came out loudly with tears...
DAMN! I'm still in love with him and I'm miss him so much! I miss his eyes, and the way he looked at me...
I miss the little things that we had before I ran away to another man... He knew that I'm dating a guy, but that didn't stop him at all from loving me...
Though he has a fiancee also, he still loves me... and I love him so much!

Now I'm just simply lost in my own messy world.... I need help....