hey all!!!

it's been awhile i didn't post anything....yap.. busy busy busy.... busy with my life... busy getting know the future hubby... that if we clicked... and etcetera etcetera.... damn, i really don;t know what to write... these days was messy for me.. well, i've done with the drama "The Dining Room".... and now I went around more with Peter or should I call him datuk maringgi, and yes, I like the Mr. Spikey now.... and yesterday on X'mas, I sms him merry x'mas...and he replied...without questening who i am... and he's the friend of my friend... and yes.. he;s damn handsome...

i'm tired....tired of everything... i got twice nose bleed in 3 days...with many migrains.... am i going to die??? i'm tired... tired using this mask....

difficult questions....

baru aja tutup telpon, abis curhat.... tiba2 pengen nulis blog lagi. kenapa? yap, there's should be a reason why. Karena setelah cerita tentang my arrange marriage dan the arrange guy, dan all the sacrificed things that i've done and will be done, dia cuman nanya tentang satu hal..."Loe itu kangen detail pacaran atau emang bener falling in love?"... damn man!!!! that hurts!!!! seriously, I just want everybody to be happy....

waktu gue bilang "iya" depan my aunt dan his mother, they were really excited about this, and my cousin as well, although she knows that there is one particular guy that I like so much!!!! tapi yah, this guy is soooo unreachable. What should we call him?? Well, he likes Superman and won't call him that....hahahaaa... let's just call him Mr. Spikey S.

Well, there's this Mr. Spikey S that I really really really like, in this holy place. He3x. Many times I just starred at him, and shit! my heart beats fast.....hhahhaaa..it was funny though. Yap, he is unreachable...untill I found out the he is one of my friends' friend...and yes, he is still unreachable. Why? I don't know why, I think I'm still afarid to really love somebody untill I reached the decision that I accepted this matcmaking thing. My mom? She just said, tunggu ampe sidang baru mikir kesana. My dad? Belum tahu kali. Dia baru boleh tahu setelah gue bener2 ketok palu lulus. Hehehehee... If only I could tell Mr. Spikey S that I like him, and give the questions "would like to be my date?", itu mungkin waktu gue udah menjadi gila. karena gue gak mungkin nanya kayak gitu. Dulu mungkin iya, waktu gue masiy ada percaya diri yang menggila. Sekarang? GAK BGT!!! Well, dear Mr. Spikey S, yes, I like you... and it is impossible really expecting you to like me back... Hix.....

Anyway, gotta sleep now.... I love you all guys.... and what do you think about an arrange marriage? Apa pendapat teman2 tentang perjodohan?? GUe kliatan kayak pasrah atau desperate yah? Man, gue baru 23 juga siy... but I'm just afraid to love again....

TwUiNk TwUiNk?!?!?!

maksudnya apa yah?? heuheuuehuhee..... sama nih agak2 gak tahu juga maksud dari judul di atas apa.... hehehhehee....

wah wah wah.... 2 hari bersama Peter... it was nice and fun though.... untungnya aja ada K' Patra, kalau tidak, mungkin akan lebih banyak berdiam2 lagi.... but the nicest thing was, he called me suddenly from his mother cellphone this evening. I was amazed and shocked. Because i really didn't expect that... but wao... :)

i'm tired and everything.... i'm just tired..... and yup, suddenly i just miss him... Peter.... and someone....

about before today....

well well well.... finally I watched a movie with Peter. He was nice and everything was okay, but he's a little bit weird and unfocused. By the way, we watched Zathura in Setiabudi and it was a strange movie.... really wierd..... but funny though. I laughed a lot despite the unusual things happened there. The good thing was, he enjoyed the movue as well. Well, that's a start. Oh, and before we watched the movie, Peter played the games there. It was fun though watching him playing the games because it seemed that he really enjoyed the games. :) anyway, a quite fun day with him although we still didn't talk that much.... :)

how about tuesday?? not much actually happened, because it was a usual day. I rehearsed the drama and some scenec were deleted again because we just heard news that we only going to have one hour for the drama. Wasn't that sucks?!?!?! anyway..yesterday I was offered this great job but I have to make an essay which I did and sent. and i do really hope that I will get the job. Hehehehhee..... what else?? yesterday in the Rotary meeting, we had the Chillean Ambassador to present about Chille. nice countrym good food, and fantastic wines, that was Kalindi said. I think she really loves that country.
Anyway....gotta run!!! love you all!!!

the future?? the dream??

lately i've been wondering....and wondering.... what kind of job later i will get after i graduated.... man, all those plans i've made suddenly just like.. -PUFF- gone into the air... and these days, my friends are getting married!!!! that scares me a lot man!!! since i think i'm going to get married... if i got the blessing..... well, it's an arrange married anyway, and i'm going to be Letitsia Nurbaya then... hahahahahaaa.... well, japanese do believe that an arrange marriage will last long rather than usual marriage. because they believe that parents know best for the children. do they? sometime i just want to be me.. i choose what i want to be with, but for today.. it's kinda difficult.... huhuhuhuuhuhu..

this morning i had a stupid dream... in my dream, there was a giant snake, like anaconda, and it became my pet!!!! eeeuuuwwwwwhhh..... and then i think it supposed to eat 7 people only, and i guess i'm the last one, but when it only had 6 people i woke up.... i wonder....really wonder... what's that supposed to mean.... well, i told that to my friend, and he said it has something to do with the soul mate.... and then i said.... waooo.. is it?? is it my marriage?? oohhh... i'm getting confused...

well, anyway, forget that stupid dream... i gotta go now.... my friend, michael, he's having his wedding reception today in mulia, so realllt gotta go..... still love you all!!!

akhirnya.... finally..

really don't know what to write after some weeks didn't write anything.... secara gue juga lagi pusink2 gak penting gitu dehh.... let's re-call this week...shall we??

uhm... what did i do?? i went to campus, and i attended the classes, all 3 classes...and then i went to gonz to meet pak him, to help me with my thesis...and then i met sr. anne, and she said next thursday is the revision day of my thesis....wow man... and what else?? oh, i practiced and rehearsed for the campus' drama...tittled "The Dining Room"... well, the drama only uses 6 people; 3 actors and 3 actresses.... and 1 person get the least is 6 characters, and the most is 10..... curios about the play? come at 17 december in atma then, buy the ticket, and then you see me...hhehehehheheeee...

what else??? well, not much...at least i know that i probably will have an arrange marriage after D-day of my thesis... Lord help me please.... an arrange marriage?? yeah, with a guy whp basicly is secured with everything..... and 9 years older than me... what can i ask more?? i really don't know about that, i've met him twice...and everybody said...love can grow later.... well, i'm still hoping that Mr. W is reachable...he's the guy in my church, he is handsome and I like him... but I'm so afraid to talk to him, because we don't know each other....well, sort of like that..... because whenever he's around i just keep quite..... silly huh??!?!! that's me.... hehehe.....

uhm...uhm...uhm.....btw, i miss you all my dear friend, sorry i've been busy.... i'm not a very good friend lately, do i?? :) love you all!!!!

saturday morning .....till afternoon....

Suddenly everybody is matchmakers?!?!?! and one of my brother's x girl also becomes ms. macthmaker for me. she insists so much that i have to meet one of her relatives, and i did...

not to mention one of my aunts is also trying to get me hooked up with her friend's son, Peter...

slow down everybody... I still to get to know them really slowly...like slowwlleeyyy... hehehehee..

anyway today i was late fot teaching, and my students were good in the quiz.. i was so happy..

but the part that made me not really happy that there was no drama rehearsal....huhuuhuuh.. i just waisted my time went to campus then... huhuhuhuhuhu....

*yawning* i think i'm so sleepy..well, gotta sleep a little bit.. gotta a small reunion my old friends :) hehehehee......

companionship ?!?!?!?!

MIDNITE ALREADY!!!! and my head spinning like hell!!!! Keqkeqkeqkeq.... ain't suppose to say like that.. heheheeee.... anyway, entah kenapa satu hari makes me really think.... like really thinking man.....

tadi gue nonton film *waduh jreng jreng, gue lupa* sesuatu gitu deh, dan disebut2 companionship... damn, setelah diingat2 udah 7 bulan gue menjomblo gila2an.... dan gue takut untuk memulai lagi.... yap!!! walaupun gue suka orang kayak gila juga, tapi gue tetep jaga jarak.... abis2an man... dan i just realized that i really need a companionship.... a steady relationship because i', tired of everything!!! starting from Mr. TB that likes to say bull-shit stuffs, Mr. Log In who really enjoyed taking advantages on me, Mr. Body Builder who really underline the "friend" word but keep doing "tha thing" to me, and who else?? Oh.. Mr. D who misses me always but I lost the feeling for him. Uhm.. and there's Mr. Motmot who is unreachable for me, because I only know his name and his face, but we never really talked face to face.... he's a very popular guy in that place, man! Who again yah?? Well, I really don't know, but it seems that I'm still scared. Scared of what?? Of everything!!! Failing on another relationship, and then have to open the new one.. I know I'm still young!!! But can I have just thought of my own without people telling me, "Hey you're still young!". I need someone to rely on, I don't want to play around anymore!!!! Gosh!!! I'm really trying to open my heart, but it's just not right...and this all because of one STUPID IDIOTIC UNMAN WHO DUMPED ME THROUGH SMS BECAUSE OF ANOTHER BITCH!!!!!!! yeahh.. finaly I said it!!! Yeah!!!!! Well, because of you I lost my confidence already..... yeah, you really done it you son of a bitch!!!! I think I swore enough.... man, I have to stop my swearing habbits....

Well, anyway, I stopped smoking......and right now is trying hard to really stop smoking.... hehehheee.... and uhm.... I'm clean now.... and what else.... I think that is all.... for now... dunno if something came up... heheheee...

oh yeah, I watched Chicken Little with my bro and his friend and it was a weird film but funny though.... :)

@ MU

Bhuahuahauhuahahuaaa...... semalem acara Prambors dan Nokia BEDD Community @ MU cafe cukup melelahkan dan dengan Park Drive sebagai bintang tamunya :).... Niat awal siy cuman pengen gretongan ajah gitu.... keqkeqkeq...ternyataaaaa....kurang orang aja gituh, untung sayah membawa name tag....khan repot kalau gak :D hehehheeee... langsung saja sayah bergabung menjadi crew off air dadakan....jagain pintu ma makanan...nyam nyam....keqkeqkeq......


mari mari saya perkenalkan orang2 yang di balik layar acara2 Prambors... :)

ini Ninnin.....orang lucu buangeettt.....senang tersenyum, suka panikan juga....hehhehee...tapi kalau muka lagi rada jutek.....siap siap bikin dia senyum lagi!!!! trus sebelahnya itu Reza... Bang Eja lah asiknya..heheheheee... beliau itu oragnya sabar lohh.. *asik asik dipuji*, pas event mirror kemarin dia mirip pelayan hard rock cafe, tapi kalau sekarang gantengan....hahahhaaaa.... :)

wahhh sebenarnya ada satu lagi yang kalau dalam susunan kepanitiaan, ibu itu selalu ada diatas!!! Namanya Sessa... (bukan sesa penyiar lowh) *nanti akan aku taruhh koq fotooomuuu yang rame2 dengan yang lain!!!*

Kemudian para anak buahnyaaa sekarang!!!!!!

yang sebelah kiri itu Okky, udah beberapa event ini dia jadi Stage Manager....suka jutex berat kalau lagi cape bgt...jadi siap2 aja dimarahin *ampun pak!* kalau dia sebel.... *piss boss!!* hehehheee.... yang sebelah kanan itu Ugie, dia itu lucu sekali lowh!!!! Dia itu dah beberapa event jadi Floor trus....dengan papannya, rundown, hape putih merahnya, dan HT or walkie talkie selalu berjalan2 di depan panggung....hehhehee.. suka menebar senyum apalagi kepada wanita2...jadi beware yahh girlzzz...hahahahaaaa..muach buat Ugie!!!

lalu laluu.....yang sebelah kiri lagiiii...itu VHE!!! dia itu rameeee bgt!!!! gue ma dia kerjaan sama, yaitu ngejagain makanan dan nyobek2in voucher makanan yang jumlahnya kurang lebih 200an lebihhhh!!!! doyan diphoto jugaaa lowwwhhh...hahahaaa...plus, dia juga anak atma akun *halah, gak jauh2*.....lalu yang ceweq mungil nan lucu disebelah kanan itu namany Ocha!!! dia itu selalu duduk di front desk kantor Mendut, jadi kalau ada yang bertandang kesana, jangan lupa say "Hi Ocha!"....dan inget!!! dia orangnya gak suka dipaksa2 lowh.....hehehheeee.......

ini diaaaa sebelum acara dimulaaaiii!!!! dari kiri ke kanan yahhh... Vhe, Okky, Aldo (on air), Sessa (bossnya Off Air :D ), gue, Ugie, dan Riri "The gemblez", satu2nya anak off air yang jadi OPP (katanya siy gitu.....gaya loq 'Ri!).....heheheeee..... semalem yang jadi MC-nya itu si Aldo dan Sesa Nasution.....seru2!!! :)

ini Adid, kalau sering denger Putusss waktu masiy siaran dari Mendut, nah bapak ini produsernyaahhhh.....tapi denger2 bapak ini sekarang yang mengatur2 jadwal "siaran" para reporter2 kondang itu....hehehheee.... "I love you all" gitu kata bapak Adid.... :)

waaahhhh ini dia game pertama yang memperebutkan N 6600!!! memasang BH dari dalam tanpa membuka baju sang cowok!!!! sumpah kocak abis2an....hahahaahaaaaa...

ini yang menang dalam game pertama ini!!! pas game ke2, diadu lagi antara ceweqnya dan cowoqnya...tyus tyus yang menang yang cowoknya gituu.....hahhaaaa...dan tetep BHnya dibawa pulang ma dia....hahahaahahaaa.....

ini diaaaaa BIG MOMMAS!!!! Untung gue di tengah, pake item pula.....heheheheheee... dari kiri ke kanan itu ada the famous master of love Sesa Nasution, lalu ada gueeeee, lalu yang terakhir Mama Egi!! reporter handal yang doyan naik motor!!! hehehehheeee....kami lucu2 bgt seeehh!!! Hahahahaaaa.......

last one!!!!!

JRRRUUUEEENNGG!!!!! ini GOME!!!! temen main gue di kompleks!!!! dia bukan anak Prambors, tapi dia itu jadi assistant manager MU Cafe...man, dah lama bgt gak ketemu!! Harusnya ada satu lagi si Dunant, tapi pas gue mau pulang gak ketemu gitu....hehehee...mungkin minggu depan akan ketemu!!! :) abis ituuuuu....gue, Riri, dan Ocha nganterin Ibu Sessa ke EX dehh...lalu langsung pulang!!! keqkeqkeqkeq....waahhh cape.......heheheheheeee......

c youuu di cerita selanjutnyaaaa!!!!!

fallin' again (?!?!)

after so many months, after so many worries and scared of something new, finally I said the word "I like you" to Mr. D. Well, I didn't expect that he would say the same, BUT HE DID!!! That was...wao...

falling again?? I don't know about that...for me, it seems still hard to open a new page since....you know...since what had those basta**s did to me... damn you guys!!!! anyways, i'm just trying to be honest to myself and to him especially....

our relationship?? only God knows.... miss you Mr. D....or should I say Mr. Amumerta (got that from your e-mail :) )

in campus!!!

hey hoo.. i'm in campus now... using Sas' laptop... hehehee.. waiting for my lecturer because I have to meet her.... well, I'm with daniel, jeffry, ika, dini, hari, tegar, edo, and of course Sas!!! :) we're going to play billiards now, and actually I'm a little bit lazy to play, but I have to wait for my brother to finish his training this afternoon. Well anyway...gotta run noww!!! heheheheee.... ughh, i'm hungry.... love you all guys!!!

btw to the guy who wrote in my tag board named Shawn, show yourself man if you have guts, or if you have balls.... ha3x... do you?? are you a he or a she anyway?? I'm not sure about your gender... :D

this morning

nothing changed... i'm still standing... and lost... This is really my 1st having myself single for 6 months.. I guess I'm afraid of getting hurt again.. Damn! That last relationship really gives my a big impact. But I know that I juz couldn't live like this. I need a person who really involves in my life personally. I'm tired faking out my smile and my words. And I just couldn't do anything about that. I want them to see that I'm taugh enough.. But I'm fragile, so fragile.

Once I thought I had enough of all these and I just jumped out from the 3rd floor of my faculty building, but then one sms saved me. Just 2 days ago, I really really thought of it. Call me crazy, but really crossed my mind I just got out from that stupid room and jumped.. But then still, my friends were there, and they just gonna stop me, that would make me lood so stupid... keqkeqkeq....

Anyway, those just the words I would like to say this morning.. Another faking day of my life..

BAD DAY!!

Today was sooo sucks!!!! DAMN!!! I juz pure tottaly lost all my respects for that crazy ol' man!!! What man?? The stupid lecturer!!! Damn I hate him so much!! He didn't know manners at all!!! At least if he thought that I was wrong, don't talked aboout it in front of like almost ALL LECTURERS!!! DAMN!!! I HATE HIM A LOT!!!! DAMN YOU MR. H!

Before went home, I went to Gonz 1st to take the hyper-semiotic book, "HIPERSEMIOTIKA: Tafsir Cultural Studies Atas Matinya Makna" by Yasrar Amir Piliang. You guys must be wondering what is hyper-semiotic, right?? Well, it was taken from semiotic, it's sign language, theory of signs. And hyper-semiotic is a time when all those signs and the interpretation are totally dead. Cool isn't it?? Well, I'm trying to make a paper on it using the media, Waiting fo Godot by Samuel Beckett. Juz wish me luck guys....

Well, gotta type again now.... be back soon!!!