stick with...

stick with who? Yap, ladies and gentlemen, I need a boyfriend! hahahahahaa.... silly huh? But that's the truth, I miss having a boyfriend, especially the kisses... Hohohohoho.. But I know that right now I'm not ready yet to have one, because the fear that still inside me.. The fear of getting hurt... I don't know how many chances that I've missed because of that... But it's a lesson though for me... For not in a hurry to have someone again.... I don't know for how long, but until I'm ready...

Once my friend asked me if I wanted to have children, I said of course, but for me, I'd rather be a single parent, or not married to the father. I guess, i was scared to have the real family because of the situation in my own family now. My dad who's busy with his mistress, my mom that doesn't love my dad anymore but still dedicated to my dad and my brother that doesn't know his way... Me? I'm just simply lost in the middle..... Really don't know where or what to do.... Just continuing the boring life... Life is indeed quite boring lately.

What I feel now is just a big empty space in my heart and my mask is perfectly still on my face. The mask that I wear every single day, especially if I wwere with the family. The "happy family" mask, and it does work all the time... What a silly life... Wasting time and energy I realized that... But isn't that what everybody doing? fakin their life??? It's for you to answer that..

Back to the topic... with who should I stick with? I really don't know. if I already have one, I'll tell you guys :)

"i wanna stick with you forever - Stick With You (PCD)"

a daughter's scream

How could he did that to my mom??? be a professinal dad!!! and that biatch!!! gosshh!!!!she should find somebody else!!! not my dad!!!

yes dad, I've read all her sms in your inbox.. and I hate her!! I hate you!!!!!
I lost my respect for you!!! I don't know until when I should wear this mask in front of you and her.Don't blame me and armando for not rspecting you anymore. Though you see me and armando often arguing with mom,but that doesn't mean you can do this to her. We love mommy!

I don't care now, I'll show the world one day that you are not as perfect as you think!No dad, now you are not prefect anymore... Not a perfect dad, not a perfect man..

Please dad, before I'm going crazy with your atitude....

is it....?

These few days, I'm just wondering, is it true what I've felt for him? Jealousy and wanting to be near him always..... Do I really fall in love? I don't know what to do anymore about this feeling. I'm sad if he couldn't meet me, and I almost cried when he sad that he will go back to his home town.

Last night I met him and his friends, and of course with my friends, and I was so happy to know that he cancelled his returning home. But when I told him that I was happy, he felt uncomfortable if he stayed longer that he has to stay. and.... and I was... sad.. truely sad, and then I really don't know what to do.. I didn't call him today, though he told me last night that I should call him this morning. But still, I'm afraid to call him... But I miss him!!! I miss the way he talked, and when he hold my hand.... I miss those things when I around him. He hugged and kissed me last night on my cheeks before we said goodbye.

GOSH!! I really don't know what to react now, I wanted to call him, but I don't want him to feel uncomfortable because of me... me who pushed him always to meet.... It was almost everyday I met him....

I was so happy last night when I knew he will have another interview, and I expected the result will be great too. I want him to stay here... stay in this city... I don't want him to go anywhere again... Am I a selfish person?

Now, I just want him to know that I want him to stay here... Near my heart.... As for myself, I'm confused about my feelings......

Dear God, is this love.....again??? or just another test for me???

it happens (again)

Yap!!! Gue ngekost donk sekarang... I live on my own now... It's hard to belive though, but it's true!!! Gue ke kantor juga sekarang naik bis, dan guess what... I have a boy friend now!!! But it happens again, the same story like last year... Over and over again... but how? why? we are different in our basic.... and guess what, I fall in love with him... Though he's still a mystery man for me... So many things that I need to be sure that he really loves me...

It's been a week now, and everyday I met him... I shared my loneliness, happiness, and stories with him... In 1 week, I almost know everything about him.... and the way he expresses his feelings for me.... damn! I love him a lot! It's hard to belive that I have a boyfriend now... Why? Because really I didn't expect him to say "yes, I like you... bla bla bla...".. Really??? YAP!!! It happened a week ago in my car, when I asked him about "us".... what are we?? then BANG!!!! He just said that..... and really reallly really I couldn't belive it that I have a boy friend!!! He came to my office everyday... We went together.... He showed me his world which so new to me.... I learnt how to take a bus, and everything.... Though that sounded simple. but for me it was really an exciting things.... I'm exploring everything... New things and I'm doing it with him... I just don't know what to say or to do anymore to share my happines...

But still though... I need to prepare for the sad part.... Dugh!!!

Last but not least... I HAVE A BOYFRIEND!!!! I LOVE YOU TOKU!!!!

not a good day

hari ini koq ngerasa not really a good day yah??? i wonder why...., but at least I've finished everything, except the website thingy.... dugh.....

wanna go home...

yesterday finally I wne to HRC, because the last time I went there was like more than a year ago...huuhuhhuh... really miss that place... I went there because of my good friends were there, so thought why not meeting them while I can... hehehee.... It was an event of "5.9 skala richter, a charity event for Jogjakarta dan surroundings". It was a cool event.. and i liked it!!!! hheheheheeee....... Anyway, I had fun last night :)...

Sorry about the short entry, didn't feel like wanna write a lot... huwhuwhuwhuw...

finally.....

gue sakit.... akhirnya gue beneran sakit... pas banget di tanggal yang menyebalkan ini, di tanggal 6 bulan 6 dan pastinya tahun 2006.... disingkat jadi 6.6.6.. di hape gue siy tanggalannya begitu... isn't it suck??? 1/2 jam lagi menjelang jam 12 niy.... huuffffhhh..... dan gue masih aja gak enak badan.... keringetan gak jelas.... entah yah....

hari ini banyak banget flash backnya.... gila, gue ampe gila.. ampe keluar di mimpi gue.... entah yah?? gue jadi bingung sendiri.... dang.....

kata nyokap, gue sempet demam agak tinggi, mungkin itu yang menyebabkan gue agak gila mimpinya... mimpi aneh2 aja... hufffhhhh....

yap, gue akui banget hari ini... gue kesepian...... sangat sepi...... this is not me anymore.... I just don't understand me anymore...... Akhirnya gue cape juga... dan sakit.... Tapi besok, harus mulai lagi dari awal.... semuanya mulai lagi......

Rindu

Kemarin sobat gue yang dah lamaaaaaaa bgt gak ketemu akhirnya ketemu juga.... Sekalian casting juga siy. Sehabis bertemu dia, saya rindu bertemu dengan sahabat-sahabt saya yang lain. Yang sempat saya tinggalkan hampir 2 tahun lamanya. Maaf yah teman-temanku tercinta, gue bener-bener gak bermaksud demikian. Hehehehehee......

Siang ini akhirnya aku ketemu kamu, pria yang aku kagumi. Dan dia akhirnya tersenyum juga padaku... Kamu yang hari berbaju polo shirt putih dan kargo dark brown kalau gak salah yah. Kamu yang kalau menatap aku koq kayaknya daleeemmmm bgt lihatnya.... :) Yap, akhirnya saya mendapatkan senyuman dia. Senyuman yang gue kangen pengen lihat setelah rada dijutekin kemarin.

Hari ini ke ktr dengan rada BT. Karena mobil dari asuransi koq gak enak bgt yah??? sumpah gak enak. bunyi gladak gluduk dan ACnya?!?!?! PLSS!!! If you called that an AC, you better compare it with the oldest car which has AC!!!!! Damn!!!!

Dugh hujan dan gempa hari ini?!?!?!?!?