gloomy entry

suddenly... i just feel empty.. i really don't understand what i've fely this evening.. everything semmed to be going on the wrong way.... i feel tired...

"titsi, the picture's not in his wallpaper anymore?"

"what????"

"since when?"

"since last night when we met?"

"you guys met?"

"yeah, why?"

"last night we had dinner together..."

"ow? where?"

"kemang.....at little baghdad.... did he meet that biatch?"

"i don't know. because he said that he was home last night. and he called me from his house"

suddenly everything was breaking up... i don't know what to say or to do... my half wanted to meet him and ask, the other half, said just ignore him for the rest of your life!!!!! damn!!! he's in my head, circling!!! and i don't know really what to do.. i tried many things to get rid off him.. even when i saw my beautiful man's picture, afterward he just popped up again in my head.... damn... i'm tired.. i'm tired of the uncertainty..... i know i was wrong from the first place receiving the arrangment thingy, but i never though that it'll be this hard!!! so hard to be sure about him.... i realy don't understand... i'm trying to avoid him tomorrow weekend, if i could.... i can't cry anymore.... i wanna scream, but i have to put away those feelings... i'm tired using this mask... i'm tired to be pretending again.... but now... i really don't know who i am anymore... i've lost my identity.... forever perhaps....