"I do..??"

to day is the V-day.... I hate today than every days!! I don't know... It's just everything comes back... those not important memories and everything!!!! GOSH!!!!!!!!!

anyway, this morning I watched the Oprah shows at Star World. And guess what, the topic is aboout "Marriage"!! Damn!!!

Oprah said that when it comes to marriage, the bride will be very excoted and become unrealistic... Well, and then I recalled one of my friends said to me " wao dear, you really exciting about this arrange marriage".. and suddenly all the things that I've prepared was blown off!!! I realized that I am... I mean I was so exciting... and I'm the one who did the survey thingy and stuff, and he just there.... completely doesn't care.... Well then I know that we supposed to be in this thing together!!!!

The part that really interest me was, there's a girl who really wanted to have her dream wedding!!! and she didn't care how much that would cost!!! but the man did everything to tell her that they wouldn't afford it. Then the girl realized that yes, they didn't afford that much... and there was also a man who cancelled the wedding because he thought that this wasn't the right thing to do... that was so heart breaking!!! But the girl can accepted that and they are friends for 5 years now... and the guy has another relationship, while the girl stay single....

Seeing those events, now I'm just scared to say "I do".... saying those simple words yet has a very deep meaning in front of my parents especially. I just couldn't imagine if the marriage won't work out what will happen next!!!???!!

Now back to myself in this V-day, do I really in love with this guy? I don't really understand what's love anymore... Is it about two people being together united in the name of love or just just together because of some certain reasons? I don't understand.... I can't feel love anymore.... I guess it's just hurting me a lot if I thought about that...

It seems now everybody in office are so happy especially Mba I, she got this beautiful flower from her husband whom sent her without noticing her.. and yap, it's a like a suprise flower!! that's so sweet!!! on my way to the office, I was thinking a lot about that, whether the guy will give me flower or something like that. But when I tried to call him, those stupid fantasy just went off... he didn't pick up my phone... Well, I just have to bare with that...