my dear R.A.T

I saw Robin last night
On a small tube
It was so small
Fragile and unshaped
My Robin with him...

I saw Robin with my eyes
With his eyes....
Our Robin...

Suddenly regretness filled me
I cried a lot
I screamed in my heart
I want my Robin....

But I know...
I can't
We can't.....

Forgive me, God
Forgive us...
Our sweet Robin....

My Fear

Have you ever in love with someone deeply, and you know deep down inside there's a big possibily that you won't be with him? or her? I guess you all do have......

For another "shit-happens" again..... My karma is haunting again by giving me this one man, which I'm in love tottaly now. I'm in love again.... and this one I'm pretty sure that I can't be with him.... Another sad story about my love life..... The differences between us..... Though I feel all the things I want with him... The happiness that I'm longing to have... All the laughters with him..... and all the tears I keep for him.... Somehow know I realized, that this is too heavy for me... I'm scared to have this relationship... Scared of loosing...but you know that one day you'll loose him....

I don't ask for a perfect person.... I only ask for someone who can understands me and take me as I am.... This man is perfect for me.... He is all I want.... But... there's just "but".... and I gues you all know what is that "but"... We've been through many things... All I want is just happiness with him, but then again we have to fight for it... It's a long way journey...

In the end, if we couldn't be together.... at least I know that I have a wonderful memories with him....

AAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!

did he lie to me? Did Mba I tell me the truth? Did she tell her the real story? because I really don't know everything!!!!!!

I don't know whom to trust anymore!!!!!!!!!!!

what am I?

I'm in love now... with him... totally... I want to be with him together.... forever.....

But I'm jealous if she goes with her new friends and doesn't tell stories anymore.. I feel left behind....

Is this right??? What am I? Should I feel like this? I'm confused.....

in a moment

I tried many times to convince myself that I'm innocent, but as the relationship with him goes deeper, I feel so guilty. I feel uncomfort with all the things which happened around me these days. Especially about the woman that he used to love. She keeps text him about how she feels and still she loves him. Over and over she keeps saying sorry about all the things that she had done to him, but for him it's too late to start over again. And here I am, in the middle of both. I'm in love with the man, and the woman hates me.

The man came to me 3 months ago without saying a word about the relationship he had at that time. After 1 month passed by, I knew something just a little bit until finally I knew that I wasn't the only one. I ran from his love and fallen to another man that I don't love that much. After almost 1 month I didn't see him, finally we met. I cried... I cried a lot in front of him because I missed him a lot... I knew at that time that I love him more than I love my own boyfriend.

Yup, I'm in love with a guy that I really feel can complete mylife..... Not long after I met him, I decided to end my relationship with my boyfriend. Because I don't want to hurt him longer and also have a boyfriend like that really empty my pocket....

and the story still goes.... I have the man I love now.... with a really complicated situation........

very clueless(?)

I have no idea what's been going on in my life these days.... I've been busy with my things including all the unimportant things!!!
Clueeles with my life, that's the right expression that really represents my life.

Last Friday I went to Bandung to help Prambors with the event "Kumpul Kribo" that was held on Saturday. It was the biggest event that I ever hadled.
I was the stage crew with Adit and Vhe as the stage manager, also not forgetting Fema as the stage runner.
It was a chaoz behind the stage!!! But luckily everybody was happy of the result! On air and off air!!!
And on that damn bussy Saturday, there was a small thing wchih was really annoyed me!!!
I almost screamed because of that!!! Damn woman!!! Do you really have to mess my important day because of you and your man? or is it my man now?
DDUUGGHHH!!! I really don't care about anything on that day! I was so down to the ground, and I was yelling at everybody because of that woman!
How come you said that he wasn't imprtant? He is important for me, bitch! But only on that day was also an important day for me!
Just one fucking day!!! and you almost ruined everything!
And guess what, woman... He came for me almost in the middle of the night! He didn't come to you!
That made me so happy and smile.... Yap, I love him! I'm in love with my mysterious man...

I spent the rest of the day with smile and many thoughts on my mind.... Until I met him again on Sunday...
I smiled, cried, and laughed with him... that was the most wonderful things which happened to me...

Today.... I was late coming to the office... and I was quite busy with everything... but it ok though :)
Huhuhuhuhhu... I'm in love totaly now... is it right???

truely lost

Just as simple as that... I'm just lost in my own mess.
I want a steady and comfortable relationship... I'm so tired with all the relationship I have, especially the one I'm having now.
I want to be conquered.... I want to be sure that the man is all above me.... In a way, that he will guarentee that my life will be perfect with him.
Until now, not one of those guys that could fulfill my needs.
Is that really difficult to ask? A simple man with simple mind, able to defeat my ego and independent...
That's all I ask... Nothing more.... I will love him more than he could imagine... I'll be loyal to him..
More.. I'll be a devoted wife if he's ready to marry me!!!

Well, I have to admit that not just that... He has to fulfill my family's standart, and especially in the eyes of my dad!
Until now, only one guy could do that, but with him, I don't feel what I want, only what I need... And that's not right..
But still, I'm scared facing the relationship that I have now. I don't know what to do!!!

*Sigh*.... The one that is with me now, I don't in love with him anymore, since all the things that he has done to me.
I'm not really sure that he really loves me or my money? Dugh!! I'm broke whenever he's around!
The one that I love now, I'm just in love with him, that's it, but I don't know why, everything looks....so wrong...

I just want to be loved..... and love will feel right... if the person is right......

tired...

I'm tired... Just as simple as that... I'm tired fooling around and I'm tired pretending that I'm fine, but I'm not!

I'm sick of these lies that I've made!!! But I have to... I promised him, my boyfriend, to give another chance to have him prove that his love is true and sincere, and worth enough to have my love.
But the thing is, I don't love him anymore.. I'm in love, truely in love with somebody else, and it was my love long before I have a boyfriend.
Just because of my stupidness, once I ran away from the love that he offered me, because I was scared to get hurt again.
But then again, when I met him again, those feelings that I've been hiding from him, it came out loudly with tears...
DAMN! I'm still in love with him and I'm miss him so much! I miss his eyes, and the way he looked at me...
I miss the little things that we had before I ran away to another man... He knew that I'm dating a guy, but that didn't stop him at all from loving me...
Though he has a fiancee also, he still loves me... and I love him so much!

Now I'm just simply lost in my own messy world.... I need help....

WHUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

I don't know anymore whom to trust or to hear!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I NEED HELP!!!!!!!!!

Can I trus him? Does my heart really longing for him??? but why still I doubt everything.... and everybody around me???? I DON"T KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm still in love with my mysterious man..... still..... though he's getting married.... he held my hands.... he gently warmed my heart...... and he still loves me.... I don't know anymore......

stick with...

stick with who? Yap, ladies and gentlemen, I need a boyfriend! hahahahahaa.... silly huh? But that's the truth, I miss having a boyfriend, especially the kisses... Hohohohoho.. But I know that right now I'm not ready yet to have one, because the fear that still inside me.. The fear of getting hurt... I don't know how many chances that I've missed because of that... But it's a lesson though for me... For not in a hurry to have someone again.... I don't know for how long, but until I'm ready...

Once my friend asked me if I wanted to have children, I said of course, but for me, I'd rather be a single parent, or not married to the father. I guess, i was scared to have the real family because of the situation in my own family now. My dad who's busy with his mistress, my mom that doesn't love my dad anymore but still dedicated to my dad and my brother that doesn't know his way... Me? I'm just simply lost in the middle..... Really don't know where or what to do.... Just continuing the boring life... Life is indeed quite boring lately.

What I feel now is just a big empty space in my heart and my mask is perfectly still on my face. The mask that I wear every single day, especially if I wwere with the family. The "happy family" mask, and it does work all the time... What a silly life... Wasting time and energy I realized that... But isn't that what everybody doing? fakin their life??? It's for you to answer that..

Back to the topic... with who should I stick with? I really don't know. if I already have one, I'll tell you guys :)

"i wanna stick with you forever - Stick With You (PCD)"

a daughter's scream

How could he did that to my mom??? be a professinal dad!!! and that biatch!!! gosshh!!!!she should find somebody else!!! not my dad!!!

yes dad, I've read all her sms in your inbox.. and I hate her!! I hate you!!!!!
I lost my respect for you!!! I don't know until when I should wear this mask in front of you and her.Don't blame me and armando for not rspecting you anymore. Though you see me and armando often arguing with mom,but that doesn't mean you can do this to her. We love mommy!

I don't care now, I'll show the world one day that you are not as perfect as you think!No dad, now you are not prefect anymore... Not a perfect dad, not a perfect man..

Please dad, before I'm going crazy with your atitude....

is it....?

These few days, I'm just wondering, is it true what I've felt for him? Jealousy and wanting to be near him always..... Do I really fall in love? I don't know what to do anymore about this feeling. I'm sad if he couldn't meet me, and I almost cried when he sad that he will go back to his home town.

Last night I met him and his friends, and of course with my friends, and I was so happy to know that he cancelled his returning home. But when I told him that I was happy, he felt uncomfortable if he stayed longer that he has to stay. and.... and I was... sad.. truely sad, and then I really don't know what to do.. I didn't call him today, though he told me last night that I should call him this morning. But still, I'm afraid to call him... But I miss him!!! I miss the way he talked, and when he hold my hand.... I miss those things when I around him. He hugged and kissed me last night on my cheeks before we said goodbye.

GOSH!! I really don't know what to react now, I wanted to call him, but I don't want him to feel uncomfortable because of me... me who pushed him always to meet.... It was almost everyday I met him....

I was so happy last night when I knew he will have another interview, and I expected the result will be great too. I want him to stay here... stay in this city... I don't want him to go anywhere again... Am I a selfish person?

Now, I just want him to know that I want him to stay here... Near my heart.... As for myself, I'm confused about my feelings......

Dear God, is this love.....again??? or just another test for me???

it happens (again)

Yap!!! Gue ngekost donk sekarang... I live on my own now... It's hard to belive though, but it's true!!! Gue ke kantor juga sekarang naik bis, dan guess what... I have a boy friend now!!! But it happens again, the same story like last year... Over and over again... but how? why? we are different in our basic.... and guess what, I fall in love with him... Though he's still a mystery man for me... So many things that I need to be sure that he really loves me...

It's been a week now, and everyday I met him... I shared my loneliness, happiness, and stories with him... In 1 week, I almost know everything about him.... and the way he expresses his feelings for me.... damn! I love him a lot! It's hard to belive that I have a boyfriend now... Why? Because really I didn't expect him to say "yes, I like you... bla bla bla...".. Really??? YAP!!! It happened a week ago in my car, when I asked him about "us".... what are we?? then BANG!!!! He just said that..... and really reallly really I couldn't belive it that I have a boy friend!!! He came to my office everyday... We went together.... He showed me his world which so new to me.... I learnt how to take a bus, and everything.... Though that sounded simple. but for me it was really an exciting things.... I'm exploring everything... New things and I'm doing it with him... I just don't know what to say or to do anymore to share my happines...

But still though... I need to prepare for the sad part.... Dugh!!!

Last but not least... I HAVE A BOYFRIEND!!!! I LOVE YOU TOKU!!!!

not a good day

hari ini koq ngerasa not really a good day yah??? i wonder why...., but at least I've finished everything, except the website thingy.... dugh.....

wanna go home...

yesterday finally I wne to HRC, because the last time I went there was like more than a year ago...huuhuhhuh... really miss that place... I went there because of my good friends were there, so thought why not meeting them while I can... hehehee.... It was an event of "5.9 skala richter, a charity event for Jogjakarta dan surroundings". It was a cool event.. and i liked it!!!! hheheheheeee....... Anyway, I had fun last night :)...

Sorry about the short entry, didn't feel like wanna write a lot... huwhuwhuwhuw...

finally.....

gue sakit.... akhirnya gue beneran sakit... pas banget di tanggal yang menyebalkan ini, di tanggal 6 bulan 6 dan pastinya tahun 2006.... disingkat jadi 6.6.6.. di hape gue siy tanggalannya begitu... isn't it suck??? 1/2 jam lagi menjelang jam 12 niy.... huuffffhhh..... dan gue masih aja gak enak badan.... keringetan gak jelas.... entah yah....

hari ini banyak banget flash backnya.... gila, gue ampe gila.. ampe keluar di mimpi gue.... entah yah?? gue jadi bingung sendiri.... dang.....

kata nyokap, gue sempet demam agak tinggi, mungkin itu yang menyebabkan gue agak gila mimpinya... mimpi aneh2 aja... hufffhhhh....

yap, gue akui banget hari ini... gue kesepian...... sangat sepi...... this is not me anymore.... I just don't understand me anymore...... Akhirnya gue cape juga... dan sakit.... Tapi besok, harus mulai lagi dari awal.... semuanya mulai lagi......

Rindu

Kemarin sobat gue yang dah lamaaaaaaa bgt gak ketemu akhirnya ketemu juga.... Sekalian casting juga siy. Sehabis bertemu dia, saya rindu bertemu dengan sahabat-sahabt saya yang lain. Yang sempat saya tinggalkan hampir 2 tahun lamanya. Maaf yah teman-temanku tercinta, gue bener-bener gak bermaksud demikian. Hehehehehee......

Siang ini akhirnya aku ketemu kamu, pria yang aku kagumi. Dan dia akhirnya tersenyum juga padaku... Kamu yang hari berbaju polo shirt putih dan kargo dark brown kalau gak salah yah. Kamu yang kalau menatap aku koq kayaknya daleeemmmm bgt lihatnya.... :) Yap, akhirnya saya mendapatkan senyuman dia. Senyuman yang gue kangen pengen lihat setelah rada dijutekin kemarin.

Hari ini ke ktr dengan rada BT. Karena mobil dari asuransi koq gak enak bgt yah??? sumpah gak enak. bunyi gladak gluduk dan ACnya?!?!?! PLSS!!! If you called that an AC, you better compare it with the oldest car which has AC!!!!! Damn!!!!

Dugh hujan dan gempa hari ini?!?!?!?!?

YAP!! I'M BACK!!

Setelah hampir sebulan gak nulis, akhirnya gue memutuskan untuk menulis kembali semua yang terjadi di gue dan yang gue rasain. Kenapa gue gak bisa nulis kemarin ini karena pikiran gue bener-bener full dengan hal-hal yang saat ini menurut gue bodoh, dan tentunya bodohnya gue, hal-hal itu masih ada yang bertengger di otak gue. Cuman gue tahu bahaw life goes on, dan gue berusaha untuk maju melangkah dari black hole ini.

Tentang sesorang yang gue amat rindu, yang pulaunya diseberang pulau jawa ini, gue merasa "sudahlah"... Kenapa? ada satu hal yang bikin gue kecewa sama dia, entah apa yang dia lihat dari gue sehingga dia bisa berkata yang agak menyakitkan buat gue. Sampai detik dia terkahir sms gue ke hape gue yang baru ini *thank you my uncle, uncle Che and my aunt, auntie reno who bought my my new cell*, gue gak bales sms dia, karena yah, gue sakit hati. Walaupun gue tahu dia gak menyadari hal itu, but yes.... I'm hurt... But' i'm trough with him... Never know and don't wanna know if he ever think of me...

Talking about my new phone... yap, it's a Sony Ericsson W 800i

This is my new phone... Bought that at PIM 2 after watching Ice Age 2 with Widi. Filmnya lucu bgt!!!! Makasih yah om dan tanteku yang baik hati!!! love you a lot!!! Uhm, Widi? He's my past guy, but we enjoy ourselves being together, dan dia itu baik sekali!!! Heheee. my best pal ever...

Masalah hati lagi yah sekarang? Uhm, saat ini siy gue udah mulai menyukai seseorang, tapi gue gak tahu harus bereaksi gimana. Karena I lost my confidence now. Gue mulai gak yakin ma hati gue dan bila hati gue bereaksi, gue akan menutup2inya dengan berbagai cara. Sayangnya, dia agak-agak unreachable.... wanna know why?? wah gak deh, soalnya kalau orangnya tiba-tiba baca blog gue, ketahuan banget deh kalau gue suka ma dia. Hahahahaa....

But still, gue mencoba untuk bangkit from "the lowest point of my life", karena gue juga sengsara ngerasainnya. Serba ribed dan gue jadi minderan.... dan hasilnya gue menyibukkan diri dengan menumplek kerjaan di kantor dan stay at home kalau weekend. Tapi gue cukup senang dengan adanya teman-teman baru... Terima kasih jeung "C" atas sharing-sharing kamu yang cukup menyadarkan saya kalau boleh saya mengkuote dari album pink yang baru, "I'm not Dead". Though you don't realize it, tapi ngobrol walau hanya lewat YM, gue cukup senang. Juga kepada Widi yang kurang lebih has the same point of view ma gue dan udah mau nemenin gue di saat gue menangis... :) Thank you yah.. Juga beberapa orang yang baru saya kenal tapi sudah mewarnai hidup saya yang mulai menghitam ini... :) hehehhheee... I love you all guys!!!!

Pada akhirnya, gue akan mencoba untuk menulis lagi and whatever happens with my heart and my life, I'll tell you guys about that.... muach!!!!

what's on my mind these days..

1. what did you do last night before you sleep?
--> sms my friend and told her that I won't forget him, but have to forget the love-shit-it-happens-again, so i won;t make the same mistake...

2. what did u do this morning when you wake up?
--> charged my phone

3. what song do you recently hear in your room?
--> a lot!!!

4. did you sleep in your room last night?
--> yeah...

5. what's your room like yesterday?
--> like usual

6. do you enjoy being alone?
--> NO!!!

7. are you a daydreamer?
--> sorta, yes

8. where's your favorite place to daydream?
--> office and car

9. what kind of music do you enjoy the most?
--> 80s and 90s

10. if you wear a shirt, what would you look like?
--> like usual i guess

11. describe your favorite moment?
--> my graduation day I guess

12. what do you like most about being alone?
--> spend a lot to myself

13. can you hangout with anyone?
--> indeed

14. what's your hair like today?
--> messy

15. have you taken a bath today?
--> yeahhh

16. who do u wish to spend the rest of ur life with?
--> Mr. W or Mr. Calm

17. who do you adore?
--> Mr. W and Mr. Calm

18. if you were alone in a cafe what will you be doing?
--> smoking and starring at ppl

19. would you rather have a cup of tea or coffee
--> coffee please..

20. do you believe in wishing star?
--> something like that,,, yeah

21. which do you believe the most, fairy or wishing star?
--> wishing star

22. do you like chocolate?
--> YESSS

23. do you like to read?
--> VERY!!

24. right now, would you rather be in your room with a good book/movie or somewhere else with your friends?
--> in my room, with a good movie and books

25. what's your favorite lyric today?
--> really don't know....

26. what's the most thing you expect in 2006?
--> uhm....going to Cannes probably...

dreamin'

He's just too handsome!!!! so unreachable, he's busy and rarely comes to the office... Oh Mr. Calm, those deep eyes you have, just stolen my breathe whenever you are around me... and you were guessing that I'm a romantic-type of person.... well, not really correct though, but for you I can be.. *damn, girl!*. Yes!! I like him a lot!!!! Whuaaa.... He's just too..too..too far.... Wish you can hear what my heart says when I'm near you....

The Loner Girl

Lonely nights have passed me
Many times I was and am wandering alone
Days to nights everydays
The loner girl
More lonely I've felt

Such a surprised when love strucked?
Don't really get it what
Don't really know why
But it's not love I guess

Stronger I'm not becoming
Weaker in every step I take
Sadder in every event in my life
The loner girl is still here

Couldn't wear this mask anymore
Will I burst my tears again?
It's been awhile I didn't cry
Should I keep this mask again?

My lips try to make a happy curve
Still my heart cries for help
My thoughts eager to put the happiness
Still though my vain is crying

The loner girl....
Is crying for help.....

@ d office....

I tried to say it to him many times, and I finally said it to him yesterday.... WHATEVER!!!!

Stucked at the office on saturday noon, just got guests from Bangkok.... And now.. alone again.... a real loner.... dam dam di du dam dam....

blank

indeed it's a blank day. Clueless of life. Seriously, don't really get it what's the meaning of.....LOVE and OBLIGATION!!!! SHIT!

Last night went to Pet's house after a single call from his precious mommy who wanted me so much to accompany her to go to the hospital to bering Pet there. She told me that he's getting wierd everyday, and surpringsingly, she asked me why?!?! Simply a straight answer, I don't know why....

After a long talk and dicussion, finally we agreed that we are going to hospital this wednesday noon, and I should be arriving at his place around 3.30. Should I? I'm confused....

Can I just ask for someone to take me away for this mess?? Someone who loves me and wants to save me from anykind of mess that I'm doing now..... Really wish....

ketemu lagi

Bukan suka atau gimana, tapi kadang sesuatu yang berdateline bisa membuat gue malas2an.Aneh? Gak juga siy, karena datelinenya besok, jadi gue yah....mungkin akan gue kerjakan maleman dikit.Wakakaaka...bego!! Secara gue baru nyampe kantor pas jam makan siang, jadi yah waktu bermalas-malasan dikit itu juga perlu.
*dijitak deh gue*

Semalem akhirnya ke rumah Datuk Maringgi. Ketemu ma maknya, mari kita sebut beliau camer wannabe....dan my beutiful auntie juga teman2nya.Nyampe di sama, langsung diminat untuk nelpon anaknya. Secara anaknya rada2 gelo, yah maknya minta gue nelpon ke temennya..Temennya yang gue berusaha bgt gak ketemu!!! Huh!!

ttuuuuttt... (nada sambung)
A: Ya, tante?
G: Where are you?
A: Titsi?
G: who else, dumbass?
A: Radio Dalam
G: with?
A: Ika and greg, and Peter...
G: I know he's with you, that's why I called you
A: what time are you going home?
G: Couple of minutes...
A: WAIT THERE!
G: what the...
A: just wait!!

tuut tuut tuuut... *shit, he hang up!*

G: lagi di radio dalam, tante.
T: Rame2?
G: Iya, sama Ika, Ali, dan Greg...

30 menit berlalu

T: tolong telpon lagi deh, tanya pulang jam berapa?

ttuuuuttt... (nada sambung)
A: yah..
G: what time are you gonna finished?
A: we're on our way there
G: There where? here?
A: yeah!!
G: everybody?
A: Ika and greg are coming also
G: what?
A: Just wait there!!!
G: oo..okay
A: WAIT!!
G: yeahh...

tuut tuut tuuut... *damn, what's up with these people?*

G: lagi otw ke koq tante
T: siapa aja?
G: semua
T: ngapain?
G: gak tahu, ada yang mau dimongin kayaknya
T: ok deh..

duh, ngapain yah? Koq gue jadi males gini. Khan rencana gue adalah menghindari si datuk maringgi aka Peter itu.Gue males bgt niy.... tapi yah, mau gimana lagi, secara paling muda yah diantara teman2 dia, gue harus nurut.

jam 10.15, pas lagi makan malam yang super telaattttt!!!!

A: hallo tante..
I & G: good evening, mam....
T: oh hello.... masuk... makan yukkk.. have you had your dinner?
A: oia, udah.... *ngelirik ke gue*
I: We have something for you
G: what?
P: let's sit..
A: yeah...

setelah duduk manis.... koq peter ngeliat gue terus yah? Emang siy udah hampir 2 minggu gak ketemu....

dan bla bla bla....omongan yang gak jelas, yang intiya pokoknya I have to be with him!! dugh...guyss... hello.... I want to fall in love with a guy!!! not arrangement!!! yang bisa gue katakan hanya.. "heheheheee...." that's it!! gak ok bgt deh guee!!! Do I have to really get through this arrangement thingy? His mom really wants me to be with him, although my mom says nothing about that.

DUGH!!!!!

just know... stupid me!!

I just realized about him.... Juz caled him Mr. Calm. at the office, met and talked to him closely for the first time, suddenly my heart beat fast. He's handsome!!! His deep eyes somehow makes me couldn't turn the other way, but for the sake of professionalism, sometimes I looked at him for a sec... He's handsome... Huhuhuhu...

I got this rama and shinta merchandise from Mba I. She told me that it worked for her to get her a boyfriend and then became her husband. Don't really believe in that, but nothing to lose just to try it.. Hahahahahaa....!!!!

keju........TAN!!!

aneh gak sih kalau kata "surprise!!" diganti dengan kata "kejutan!!"
Wakakakaka... too weird man.... tapi itu yang gue dapet pas jam makan siang..
Si oknum P yang request untuk diganti jadi oknum neneng... hahahhaaa..
bo!! loe tuh laki!! masa neneng? yah maklumlah kalau memasuki pubertas ke 2.
Wakakaaa....

tenaninut tenanit (bunyi hape yang amat standart)

G: Yah, Letitsia.
P: Hallo? sibuk gak loe?
G: Ha? siapa niy?
P: sibuk gak loe?
G: Gak terlalu sih. Siapa siy niy?
P: Pancasila sila ke 4 apaan bo?
G: WAKAKAKAKAKAA.... Ya ampun bo!!!!
P: Hahahahaa... gak makan siang loe?
G: belum kale... masiy belum beres juga kerjaan..

dan bla bla bla yang omongannya tetep mengarah ke pelacuran dan daerah selangkangan.
btw, serius punya loe cuman sebesar jempol?? Wakakakakaa...

entahlah, tapi gue merasa senang aja, ada yang bisa bikin gue ngakak ampe dilemparin kacang ma orang2 kantor gue.

anyway, oknum Neneng.... wakakakaa... tenks ya bo mau nelpon 1/2 jam...
Sampai ketemu di hotel bintang kejora terdekat!!!

wkakakakkaaaa.... love you beibeh neneng!!! inget yak bo, kalau gue belok kiri berarti loe ma gue akan berada di ladang yang sama.... hahahahaaa.....

the hardest question ever!!

after lunch....after I cried... he came to me... it's been quite long though didn't talk to him or chat.... miss you V....

V: do u like him?
daashhhh....dalem sekali pertanyaan ini!!!!!!!

G: do i like him?
G: i don't know
yap, me and my stupid answer......

V: oke, gw ulang pertanyaan gw yah...
V: do u like him?
V: pilihan jawabannya mudah kok
V: ya atau tidak...
babe.... don't repeat that..hixhix..enuff is enuff....

G: gak tahu
again, me with my very stupid answer...

V: oke berarti kalau boleh disimpulkan tidak suka sama dia...right?
G: mungkin
tambah gak ok!!!!

V: oke next, apakah ada kemungkinan kamu suka dia?
G: gak tahu....
titsi semakin begooo.....saudara saudara

V: itu dengan 1 syarat mutlak!! kamu harus suka dia dulu !!!
V: kalau gak, mendingan gak usah dech hehehehehe
V: you have to be in love with your self first, and then you can be in love with other
daasshhh....berasa kesamber petir.....

dugh V, really don't want to say...I'm just being silly about this shit....

again....after I got back to the office..... P came with the same exact question!!!!

P: pakabar mbem?
gak sopan deh ini org....jitak nih...

P: lha elonya suka apa nggak sama dia?
duh kenapa pertanyaan yang sama harus kluar dalam satu hari??

P: ya abis gue tanya lo suka ama dia apa nggak elonya malah gak jawab2
G: masa?
G: kapan nanyanya?
titsi bodohnya nak dirimu....

G: suka apa gak???
G: pertanyaan yang sulit
P: koq sulit?
G: entah....terasa sulit menjawab itu
G: aneh yah?
(ANEH ABES2AN!!!!! Huhuhuuhuuhuhuuu)
P: he-eh..
P: supposed to be very easy when you REALLY ARE in love with him
dalemmm sekaleeeee bang Djaliii!!!!!

G: i don't know love anymore....
jawaban yang cukup diplomatis......keqkeqkeqkeq..mungkin bentar lagi gue akan dijitak ma oknum P ini... hahahhahaa......

thx anyway for reminding me of that critical point....

so....do i like him???? apart from this arrangment thingy??? You tell...me..

another about "me and him" conversation

eneg gak siy baca entry-an gue cinta mlulu isinya? sama siy, eneg juga, tapi semalem itu rada2 emang topiknya gue gitu di percakapan antara gue, spupu gue and temen pinoy gue.

They thought that I'm being so nice to Pet, so Pet takes advantage on me? Am I stupid or naive? I really don't know about that though. One thing for sure that I'm afraid that he'll get angry. Yeah, stupid reason....

G: H kinda cute though..
P, Tr, & A: WHATT???
Tr: wait wait, is there something wrong with your vision?
A: we have a free eyes check up tomorrow at school. Care to join?
G: Damn you guys, I'm serious...
P: ok...but why so sudded?
G: I don't know. I just realized it when I saw him brought his CPU with him and bang... Yeah, he's kinda cute..
Tr: OK titsi, I get your point...
A: But...why him?
G: what? Explain that to me about your question...
A: yeah... I mean.. so sudden.... why him? And he's young!
G: excuse me.. He's just 2 years older than me..
P: Pete is 8 years older that you..
G: yeah..and NOT MATURE!!!
Tr: what's this?
P: He cares about you, you know..
...(A went to the barber shop to have a massage and creambath)...
G: yeah right... like you know...
P: no, seriously... he does..
Tr: yeah, he does, in his own way... I guess.
G: Hahahahaaa... Yeah right..
P: no, really. I've asked him about that. And the way he answered it, he looks serious.
G: the time when you were talking with him at Wendy's?
P: yeah..
Tr:Titsi, you have to be more.... more... uhm... challenging to him
G: huh?
Tr: you know, don't allow him to intimidate you more. In a way that he realizes that he needs you....
G: Well, there's a time when I didn't call him at all.... I was busy at the office.... Then his friend asked him whether I called him or not, and do you know what he answered?
Tr: what?
G: he told his friend that I forgit him!! angrily!!
P: that's good..
G: what??
Tr: it indicates that he felt being ignored...
G: gosshhh!!!!!!

dang!!! the conversation went on and on untill 11pm...@ CITOS!!! and still... I don't know what to do with him....

Ditty - by Paperboy

Yo, this is how I'm comin' for the nine deuce
Another fat, fat track
So Rhythm D, pour the orange juice
And let's relax while sippin' on yak
Because it's like that
I'm clostraphobic, so Paperboy wears pruple lactive
I wear a jimmy for the skins
Cuz it's a long trip
Front row seats, aiyo I know she's on the nine inch
Just to get a peice of the green
But she's an undertaker
Now you know the Paper is an around the world heart-breaker
Me be singin' first, but yo, had to have a breakdown
Playin' you fools, so now you know why my belly's round
Takin' the rap back up and scoopin' up crowds just like a steel shovel
Not from the ghetto, but yo, takin' it to another level
Let the beat ride, but hold on to your women, G
Cuz now that I'm rich so many women wanna do me
It make a man say "damn"
I'm finally taxin' more play than homey Sam
But let me speak to the weak, I mean the rookies
My time is help up, extremely for cookies
Just let me clock this groove in ninety two
Hey, you don't bother me and I sure 'nuff won't bother you
And ah, you just watch a brother flowin' like Niagra
Think before you step, because these niggas just might stag ya
Although I'm labeled with the black fade
It's gold d's on my four and gold lex, cuz I got it made
I broke the veto once again because I had to
And just like Jody Watley, baby girl, I can have you
Just let me work this track, and yo, any way is ok
Your place or mine, all night until the next day
Unh

[Chorus]
Do the ditty if you want to
Because then I can see if I want you
Just do the ditty-ditty if you want to
Because then I can see if I want you

Now here we go from the top
Second verse of the same song
With the conclusion, all should be happy with ding-dong
It's just a mad park a grip, G
It's like every nickel and dime nigga be like
"See, don't you remember me?"
A hustler, and it's on with more hoes to lego
Keep 'em chunky like Prego, so they can play with my eggo
I have a tendancy to flow, start off with my own groove
Pick up the mic, and all of a sudden, I see high movin'
Guess it's like magic, and Paperboy is the magician
If I was a vaccum I'd be suckin' up competition
Let it ride again, and yo, belive I got my own thing
Straight Bahama hoes so miss me with the chick from Soul Train
And I'm a break my note, just to show up token
Tote on his ass when I scoop him, cuz we bud smokin'
A black man tryin' to make it and that ain't no fair
But just like BeBe and CeCe, I'll take you there
Huh

[Chorus]

Now here we go
Uh, let's take a trip to another land
Park a grip, come back and watch the hoes tan
Jump in the lex-o, and roll out to my cabin
Believe me, my brother, more hoes than you can imagine
All on the ding-a-ling, just because the gold rings
But I'm like a ???, you ain't heard a damn thing
Make sure you got the jim hats, strapped for protection
Because to me, my life is more than my erection
And give me a hand, if you a fan, it ain't over yet
Cuz doin' the ditty with Paperboy makes the ocean sweat
Leave you kinda startled like the funk off of fritos
Make you man jealous, while hoes cheese like Doritos
It ain't my fault, I lay the piper with concern
And I ain't from Mount Vernon, but a brother's money-earnin'
And for those disagree, and then jack, that's a pitty
Just bob your head for Paperboy and the ditty
Yeah

[Chorus]

============================================================

gilaaaa.....gue kangen bgt ama ini lagu!!!!!!!! whuaaaa.....!!! do the ditty if you want to.... hehehehehee......

wednesday kagetan

sebelum makan siang:

Gue (G): Rusli, reelnya Sherina ada khan?
Rusli (R): ada mba, tapi di Interfilm.
G: Ngapain disitu?
R: Udah lama siy disitu. Lagi diberisihin.
G: Selesai kapan yak? Tolong dicek deh Rus. Mau dikirim seminggu lagi kalau bisa.
R: Abis makan siang yah mba..
G: Iye..

Abis makan siang..

R: Mba, kata org Internya, reelnya cacat mba
G: *mulai stress* cacat gimana??
R: Banyak se-ktres-nya (baca scratch)
G: trus gimana?
R: tadi gue udah nanya mba, kata orangnya kalau buat festival yah gak bisa
G: wadoh *mulai panik*, mau dikirim minggu depan ituh
R: yah, abis baru ditanyain siy. Saya juga lupa.
G: tunggu2... gue telpon Mas Toto dulu deh

nnuuuttt.. (bunyi telpon)
Mas Toto: Hallo?
G: Mas!! (bla bla bla bla..)
MT: APA?? (bla bla bla...trus gini gitu gini gitu)
G: ini mas, ada Rusli.
MT: Rusli!! (bla bla bla bla bla...)
R: Iya.... (bla bla bla.....)

*ditutup ma Mas Toto*

G: gimana jadinya?
R: lagi mau nelpon lagi.
G: film apalagi yang disana?
R: ada beberapa siy..
G: kalau gitu cek semua film yang disana. Gaswat kalau kayak gini lagi.
R: sip!

*panik mode on, langsung e-mail ke amsterdam, moga2 boleh telat deh*

========================================================

kalau dipikir2, gue udah 3 hari lost contact ma Datuk Maringgi gue. Gue gak tahu dia udah pulang dari Aussie pa belum, dan gue bermasalah ma temennya juga, sebut aja si A. So what gitu kalau gue kangen ma temennya lebih dari si Datuk Maringgi!! This feeling I have for A sometimes really annoying kalau gue lagi jalan ma si Datuk dan si A. A marah2 ke gue karena harusnya gue kangen ma si Datuk. Tapi mau gimana lagi? Gue branntem gak jelas ma Datuk dan emang jelas2 gue lebih sering ngobrol ma si A. Damn! Kenapa jadi begini? Gue memutuskan sudah sejak hari Senin, gue mau ilang dulu dari peredaran temen2nnya Datuk Maringgi dan A. Si G kemarin nelpon gue nanya si Datuk dan A. Gue bingung deh jawabnya. Damn....

Emang siy gue kesepian, tapi mau gimana lagi? Gue bener2 butuh untuk menghilang dulu, dan gue pengen tahu sampai di level apa si Datuk nyariin gue. Karena ampe sekarangpun gak ada kabar dari dia. Cape...

Gue pengen lagi sebenarnya suka ma orang dan melakukan pdkt-an2 gak penting itu. Tapi intinya tetep, gue takut sakit hati lagi!!! hixhixhixhx.... Seberapaun gue coba untuk tetap tersenyum tapi gue tetep merasakan kesepian ituh.

saturday afternoon

uhm.. it's saturday now, and guess where I am? I'm at the office!!! Yeahh.. *should I be happy about this?* Well, since that dumbass left to Australia for this weekend, it means that I have today for myself, I can do whatever I wanna do!! Including hang out with my friends!!! Which I'm going to do later... Meeting my friends around 3pm and after that having dinner with my famil at PIM 1. Isn't today a nice day or what? I can go gome earlier, and tomorrow I'm going to spend one whole day with my friends too.... Hehehehe...

Just talked with Ali, and he said that I should be very petient with him, and don't act as his girlfriend, but just as friend. Man, I did that always!! I'm not a kind of girl who always telling him not to do this and that. I just need him to pick up the fucking phone and tell me the truth where is he and with whom. If he wanted to lie, that's fine.. Because I wouldn't know anyway. If i knew later, I'm just going to ask him why he did that, and as usual, he's just going to stay silence. DAMN BOY! Yap, I discussed a lot of things with Ali, including his behaviour to his girlfriend, and friends, especially his girlfriends.

What else I want to write about? Dunno... Just waiting for RR to bring his passport and then I'm off to Djarum's office. But I think, he will not come. It's ok though. Because I can spend my few hours in the office. :)

rese!!!

DASAR LAKI2!!!

Tttuuttt�. (nada sambung yang standart dan lama bgt diangkatnya!!)

+ "Yah Hallo!!!"

= "Lagi dimana?"

+ "Hallooo halloo!!!!"

= "HALLLOOO DENGER GAK SIY?"

+ "Oh iyah�."

= "Ditanya lagi dimana??"

+ "Di jalan!!"

= "Jangan teriak!!!"

+ "��.."

= "Kemarin kenapa telponnya gak diangkat2? Udah 2 hari!"

+ "����."

= "Lagi dimana siy sekarang?"

+ "Jalan pulang�. Mau pulang�."

= "Kenapa gak diangkat??"

+ "�������������������"

= "WOYYY!!!!"

+ "�������������������"

= "TERSERAH!!!!"

- gue yang tutup donk telponnya.... spontan!!! hahahahaaaa.... -

gila pa pegimane yah ini laki, kalau gak mau dijodohin, bilang dong dari awal!!!! Khan gue juga jadi gak usah ngurusin loe!!! DAMN!!!! Semua bilang gue mesti sabar.... GIMANA CARANYA SABAR KALAU KELAKUANNYA KAYA T** GITUH!!!!!!! Semua ceweq disantronin ma dia!!! Gila yee... AUH AKHH!! Gue mau CARI PACAR!!!!!!!

Sekarang beliau lagi di Aussie ma maknya.... so?? Gue bebas gila!!! Biasanya jam segini, dia udah telpon, udah treak2 gue harus nunut dia... ampe hari minggu juga gitu boss!! Gila yak... Gue bener2 gak ada waktu istirahat!!! Sekalinya gue isitirahat, bablas 12 jam boss gue tidur!!!

Laper pula sekarang... trus gue mesti jemput sepupu gue dulu niy di trogong, abis itu cari makan. Anjrit, perut gue aseli gak enak gini gara2 makan kepiting. It's weird man!!!

PULANNG!!! CARIKAN AKU PACAR!!!! Pacar yang bisa mencintai akuhhh!!! Selamatkan aku dari diaaaa!!!!!! AAARRGHHHH!!!! -mulai gila....aku butuh main UNO *gak ok bgt*

another writing

jam udah menunjukkan pukul 19:02 *halah*

masiy di kantor loh bo!!! Nungguin ML, RR, TT, M NS dan teman2nya selesai rapat. Abis itu ngasiy passport...

heyyy... gilaaa... gue nemenin temen gue yang belum pernah makan Pizza bo!!! Seneng gila ne!!! Hahahahaa... sumpah deh... kocak abis, kayak di Fear Factor gitu. Ya ampyun deh.. selama 27 thn hidupnya, doi belum pernah makan Pizza *mungkin udah pas kecil kali Ded, loenya aja yang gak klimax makannya* hahahhahahaa... dari secuil kecil yang 1/4nya dimuntahin lagi karena bawang, akhirnya beliau memakan satu potong pizza dengan syarat gue nemenin dia makan. Damn, perut gue udah bega bgt ini.... Bega pizza!!! Halah... dang dang dang.... *ngantuk menyerang*

Duh AC kantor dingin bgt!!!!!!!!!

tttuuuuttt.....

"yap!"

"are you with him?"

"yeah, he's with me..."

"whare are you at?"

"Taman Anggrek"

"What the....?? What are you guys doing there?"

"I'm taking the photos. The photos at Bali"

"I thought you did take it"

"Nah.. I forgot"

"Why he didn't answer me fucking call?"

"I don't know. And he's cell doesn't off too"

"Tell him that I hate him"

(to him) "Yo man, she said she hates you.."

(him) "Who?"

(to him) "Titsi said so.."

(him) *laughed*

"I'm going out with somebody now"

"You? With who?"

"A guy"

"Just go, he doesn't care, you know"

"I know...that's why I'm going"

"Nahh.. you won't... I know you still at the office"

"Fuck... Yeah I know... a lotta things.... *no, i'm not* By the way, he's going to aussie tomorrow right?"

"Yeah I know. You wanna talk to him?"

"No. I'll call him later when I go home"

"Ok then titsi. SMILE!! He loves you!"

"No, he's not"

"How do you know?"

"I don't know... Hahahhahaa. Fuck you man!"

"Yeah right... Fuck you too, bitch!"

"Gotta work again, call you again, k'?"

"Ok, bye!"

"bye"

++ rokok gue abis deh++

"New, what do you own the world?
How do you own disorder, disorder,
Now, somewhere between the sacred silence,
Sacred silence and sleep,
Somewhere, between the sacred silence and sleep,
Disorder, disorder, disorder." - System of a Down = Toxicity-

BIATCH!!!

Darn!! I swear a lot these days..... Itu kata yang just popped up out of nowhere..... Gotta go niy.... Gotta go really quickly.... Can I be like Peck at The Mid Summer Dream? Just go wwwuuussshhhh wusshshhhh!!!!! Darn..... That biatch!!!

Last night.....

"Yo man, are you with Peter?"

"Who's this?"

"This is his beautiful gilrfriend....."

"Oh hey Anya, how are you?!?!"

"FUCK!"

"Hahahahaaa..... What's up?"

"Don't you ever teased me like that again! I hate you...."

"You know me.. Anyway, I'm at home..... I don't know where he's at... Why?"

"I called him and he didn't answer my fucking phone call... Shit... That dumbass.."

"Well, I don't know, he just called me 40 minutes ago"

"Shit...."

"Talked to you later, I'm talking to my friend on the other line"

"Ok Greg... Thx man.. bye"

=================================================

.................

"Are you sure that he's going to your place?"

"he supposed to, because he called me at 7, and he wanted to come over. I said, I'll be waiting for him..."

"Damn.. He did it again this time... he didn't answer my call"

"Well, you know him. A little bit woo woo"

"yeah...I supposed I have to bare with that one. I just afraid that he'll meet that biatch Anya"

"Hey don't worry, the last time I with him, he didn't answer her call.... not even returning the calls"

"yeah right, but he called her last sunday!! I guess because she was using other number, than she asked him to call him back.... shit man... I hate this situation"

"Well.... I really don't know where he's at..."

"Wanna go somewhere? Just you and me?"

"Shit, don't mess around with him, girl. I don't want to piss him off. You know already that he's jelaous now.... TO ME!!! TO HIS OWN BEST FRIEND!!"

"Hey don't yell... I noticed that. I guess because I talked to you a lot than to him...."

"Yeah...probs... You should go home now and sleep. Stop thinking about him. He's just like that.... You know...."

"Yeah, you're right. I should go home now. It;s kinda late though... And I'm still at the office...."

"You go home now, ok?. SMS me when you're home.... and try not call him before you leave, or you'll get another headache...."

"Thx Ali...bye.."

"Bye.."

============================

damn babe.....where were you at last night?

after 12...

I arrived at the office around 12... I was not feeling very good this morning, especially about my tummy, and both my arms are hurt because yesterday K' Lia's son, Marvin, wanted to be carried by me!! Although he's 2 1/2 years old, but he's heavy man!!! BUt, still cute... hahahahaahaa..

Hari Sabtu jalan2 ke PS ma Pet2 akhirnya nonton film Jim Carrey, Have Fun with Dick and Jane, I liked the film. It was funny!! We laughed all the time.... Hahahhaa.. afterwards went to Metro and saw watches... Unexpectedly, he bought me the watch... GUESS watch... He bought one for himself too... Then the rest of the day, we wore the wacthes... hahahaaa... and then went (again) to Ritz Carlton with Ali. It was fun though, but I guess he was jealous with Ali.... Baby, don't be, he's your best friend!!!

What else? Uhm... on Sunday again, I went out with him, with my cousin, Patra, and K' Lia's family, later on met Greg and Ali. Uhmm... couldn't ea anything, because I kept throwing out the food since Saturday. I guess the bullimic thingy comes back again.. Yeah.. will loose more weight!!! Hahahahaaa...

Well, gotta back to work now... Huhuhuhuhuh.... :)

surprisingly....

yap yap, still at the office, with plenty of surprise works!!! don't know what to say anymore, just have to do everything...and suddenly (again), I'm at my new level of the word "busy"!!! Yap, another task has been "scrolled" down to me..... I have to gather all the informations about company's films since the beginning!!! MAN, that's a lot!!! Hix, don't know really where to start. Because everything is a mess here.... what I need sometimes I just couldn't find it easily... Hix.... Can I get a raise? :P If someone from my company read this.... Can i get it?? *twinks twinks* hehehehheee....

just called Ali, and Peter's with him. The bad news was, Peter told Ali that I didn't call him at all!! MAN!!! I called him!! Although only once, but I did!! And he was at home... He said again to Ali that I'm too busy to call him.. What the ......?!?! Man, if you wanted to mess with me, just tell me, don't do it behind my back!!! Gosh!!! Well, Ali asked me to join them to Gelato. But I haven't finished my work!! You gotta wait!! I don't want to leave the office with the guilty feeling because I havent finished them.... Hix.. Please be patience, ok? :)

ugh....*tummy ache*.... headache again..... ugh.... hix....

"I do..??"

to day is the V-day.... I hate today than every days!! I don't know... It's just everything comes back... those not important memories and everything!!!! GOSH!!!!!!!!!

anyway, this morning I watched the Oprah shows at Star World. And guess what, the topic is aboout "Marriage"!! Damn!!!

Oprah said that when it comes to marriage, the bride will be very excoted and become unrealistic... Well, and then I recalled one of my friends said to me " wao dear, you really exciting about this arrange marriage".. and suddenly all the things that I've prepared was blown off!!! I realized that I am... I mean I was so exciting... and I'm the one who did the survey thingy and stuff, and he just there.... completely doesn't care.... Well then I know that we supposed to be in this thing together!!!!

The part that really interest me was, there's a girl who really wanted to have her dream wedding!!! and she didn't care how much that would cost!!! but the man did everything to tell her that they wouldn't afford it. Then the girl realized that yes, they didn't afford that much... and there was also a man who cancelled the wedding because he thought that this wasn't the right thing to do... that was so heart breaking!!! But the girl can accepted that and they are friends for 5 years now... and the guy has another relationship, while the girl stay single....

Seeing those events, now I'm just scared to say "I do".... saying those simple words yet has a very deep meaning in front of my parents especially. I just couldn't imagine if the marriage won't work out what will happen next!!!???!!

Now back to myself in this V-day, do I really in love with this guy? I don't really understand what's love anymore... Is it about two people being together united in the name of love or just just together because of some certain reasons? I don't understand.... I can't feel love anymore.... I guess it's just hurting me a lot if I thought about that...

It seems now everybody in office are so happy especially Mba I, she got this beautiful flower from her husband whom sent her without noticing her.. and yap, it's a like a suprise flower!! that's so sweet!!! on my way to the office, I was thinking a lot about that, whether the guy will give me flower or something like that. But when I tried to call him, those stupid fantasy just went off... he didn't pick up my phone... Well, I just have to bare with that...

gloomy entry

suddenly... i just feel empty.. i really don't understand what i've fely this evening.. everything semmed to be going on the wrong way.... i feel tired...

"titsi, the picture's not in his wallpaper anymore?"

"what????"

"since when?"

"since last night when we met?"

"you guys met?"

"yeah, why?"

"last night we had dinner together..."

"ow? where?"

"kemang.....at little baghdad.... did he meet that biatch?"

"i don't know. because he said that he was home last night. and he called me from his house"

suddenly everything was breaking up... i don't know what to say or to do... my half wanted to meet him and ask, the other half, said just ignore him for the rest of your life!!!!! damn!!! he's in my head, circling!!! and i don't know really what to do.. i tried many things to get rid off him.. even when i saw my beautiful man's picture, afterward he just popped up again in my head.... damn... i'm tired.. i'm tired of the uncertainty..... i know i was wrong from the first place receiving the arrangment thingy, but i never though that it'll be this hard!!! so hard to be sure about him.... i realy don't understand... i'm trying to avoid him tomorrow weekend, if i could.... i can't cry anymore.... i wanna scream, but i have to put away those feelings... i'm tired using this mask... i'm tired to be pretending again.... but now... i really don't know who i am anymore... i've lost my identity.... forever perhaps....

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.

If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.

Stop making excuses for a man and his behaviour. Allow your intuition(or spirit) to save you from heartache.
Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to
be. Slower is better.

Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly
happy.

If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you
deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends". A friend wouldn't
mistreat a friend. Don't settle.

If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at
yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.

The only person you can control in a relationship is you.

Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat youany differently?

Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up.

Never let a man know everything.* He will use it against you later.

You cannot change a man's behaviour.* Change comes from within.

Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are... even if he has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god.

He is a man, nothing more nothing less.

Never let a man define who you are.

Never borrow someone else's man.

If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.

A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.

All men are NOT dogs.

You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is a two Way street.

You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute
about baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new
relationship

You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complimentary...not supplementary.

Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.
What Oprah says about MEN!!


Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and you're always readily available to him - he takes it for granted. - Isn't this TRUE!!!!!

Never move into his mother's house.

Never co-sign for a man.

Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.* Keep him in your radar but get to know others.

Share this with other women... You'll make someone smile, another
rethink her choices, and another prepare.

--------------------------------------------------------

Got this writing from one of my best girfriends who really teaches me how to survive with and without men!!! love ya G!

hoaaahhmmm....nyam nyam

maksud dari judul? gak ada... emang lagi ngantuk aja... hahahhaaa..

pagi ini nyampe ktr jam 10 lewat.... tadi ngantri di bank buat masukin duit.....akhirnya setelah 1 thn gak ke bank, ke sana juga. panjang aja dulu ngantri-nya.. mana ujan pula.... halah...

pagi2 di ktr udah bongkar2 file lama karena harus nyari bahan2 film kuldesak. Gilee... dah lama bgt itu pelem masiy aja ada yang minta. Gak bisa minta yang lebih baruan lagi apa yak? Keqkeqkeqkeq.....

oia!! mau cerita!!! kemarin akhirnya gue makan siang bersama dengan anak2 gereja... yang ada "the beautiful man"-nya.... keqkeqkeq... dia itu soooo beautiful yahh.. gue gak berani melihat dia gitu... karena gue masiy sukaaa bgt ma dia.. tapi mau gimana lagi? gue stuck with Pet2.... My friend told me that don't sacrifice your feelings.. tapi mau gimana lagi? gue emang begitu orgnya!!! I'd rather see other ppl happy with what I do!!! But will I be happy with that? I don't really sure.... at least they do... Silly me huh? Oli kemarin sibuk ngegodain gue karena gue makan siang yang ada dia-nya juga.. hehehehee... gak tahu deh muka gue merah apa gak? Karena gue pake kaca mata trus berhubung mata gue juga lagi sakit. Hix.. he's so drop dead gorgeous...

With Pet2? What did I do? Went out with him... with my cousin juga... Trus tumben2nya dia perhatian ma gue, pas gue nguap2 dan bilang ke Ali kalau mau ketemuan malem gue gak sanggup, trus dia nanya "mau pulang aja?"...beuh seneng abess.. gue bilang "iyah!"... my cousin yang gak trima gitu... dia males pulang... so? jalan aja sendiri!!! gue aseli ngantuk bgt..... tapi abis nganter dia balik ke kost-annya, Ali bilang kalau istri temennya dia dan Pet2 melahirkan... so, kita ke rumah sakit asih deh... pas Ali dah jalan ke PIM, baru si Pet2 nelpon Erga kalau mau kesitu.... dari tadi keq bilangnya... keqkeqkeq... lalu lalu akhirnya bertemu dengan teman2nya.. yang notabene hampir semua udah menikah dan punya anak2, dan mereka merestui juga gue ma dia... well, that's a good start from them.. . Abis itu ngobrol2 panjang lebarrrr..... lucu bgt anaknya Erga!!! Pet2 disindir pula!! sial, gue gak malu bgt jadinya.. hahahha.... and guess what? gue ketemu Noi!! dan Nurul udah mau melahirkan!! WHUAAAAA... gue seneng bgt!! Tadi pagi si Noi SMS kalau udah lahir dan beratnya 3kg lebih!! gile gede juga.... hehehehe....

kira2 itu yang terjadi hari minggu kemarin..... sabtunya? gue jalan2 doank ke TA dan akhirnya dia ngantuk dan bosan.... ya sudahlah gpp :)

*whuaaa.... lagi kedinginan di ktr!!!!

For GOD sake!!!

today is a chaoz!! s***! I don't have a good mood at this time moment... really don't!!! AAARRGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

a peck

www.dictionary.com

v. pecked, peck�ing, pecks (pk)

v. tr. Informal. To kiss briefly and casually.

n. Informal. A light quick kiss.

kiss lightly [syn: smack]

www.thesaurus.com

Main Entry:	peck
Part of Speech:	verb
Definition:	bite
Synonyms:	beak, dig, hit, jab, kiss, mark, nibble, pick, pinch, poke, prick, rap, strike, tap

Main Entry:	kiss
Part of Speech:	noun
Definition:	peck
Synonyms:	buss, butterfly, caress, embrace, endearment, kissy face, mouth music, mouth-to-mouth, mush, muzzle, osculation, peck, salutation, salute, smack, smacker, smooch, sugar, touch

=================================================================

confused? don't be.... just feeling happy now.... :) have the butterfly thingy in my stomach... hahahahhaa.... he did that to me last night... a sweet peck... in KFC's parking lot...

You're Beautiful - James Blunt

My life is brilliant.
My love is pure.
I saw an angel.
Of that I'm sure.
She smiled at me on the subway.
She was with another man.
But I won't lose no sleep on that,
'Cause I've got a plan.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw you face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.

Yeah, she caught my eye,
As we walked on by.
She could see from my face that I was,
Fucking high,
And I don't think that I'll see her again,
But we shared a moment that will last till the end.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw you face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.
You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
There must be an angel with a smile on her face,
When she thought up that I should be with you.
But it's time to face the truth,
I will never be with you.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

PS: change "she" into "he"... hahaahahaa.....

I just fall in love deeply with this song, and it goes to WS who i know although you're single, but you are unreachable for me... Just face the truth, that I just never be with you..... GBU always WS...

old friend...

juz talk to an old friend, whom i used to like him back when i was in high school... yap, he still looks handsome now... haahhaa.. talked a lot... about everything basically.... and funny though because the one that i thought was working with him, he said no... oohh okay.. now, whom should i trust.. kinda wierd though... hahaahhaa..... eniwei... gotta run run now...

bad migraine...

this whole day I had bad migraine....and still now... i don't know why... had 2 paramex but it didn't help at all... shittto!!!!

for the day

this morning I went through it perfectly.... nothing bad happened... less traffic jam... less rain and less chaoz.... not really perfect though...

went to reload pictures this afternoon to give GIE's posters to be brought by them to Rotterdam, since they leave earlier.... afterwards had lunch with peter at fish and chips kemang. Kinda miss him though.. But really don't understand about him....

Now?? Trying to figure out what to do at the office.... so cold...

yeah!!

finally!!! i got my own room, my own desk, my own telephone!!! yeah!!! keqeqkeqkeq... but then again, it still filled with boxes, and empty.... yup, gotta stick up something here to make it a little bit lively... hehehheheheee....

by the way, gue udah nonton 9 naga akhirnya... keren juga low... itu karakter si lukman buanget nek!!! keqkeqkeq....pantes dia suruh orang2 pada nonton.... heheheee... congrats yah boss, keren koq pelemnya..... memang wajah bisa memberikan arti2 tertentu... :) heheheheeee...

wah, ngapain yah sekarang?? yang pasti lagi nunggu konfirmasi2 e-mail dari para festival2 itu.. heheee... udah akh.. write again later... :)